All my life, I've been a doer. When I want something, I get up and start doing. Nothing can stop me — I am stubborn, persistent, and I truly believe that nothing is impossible. Being like that, it's almost impossible for me to feel proud about my achievements or to truly celebrate.
When I obtained my master's degree in molecular biology I realized that I don't want to be in a lab for the rest of my life. A big achievement, followed by a realization that made me desperate and slapped me in the face quite hard. I was lost and angry with myself — five years thrown away just because I couldn't admit sooner that this is not what I want from life. And while everyone celebrated my GPA, I felt like a fool, a fraud and a failure. What now? I had no clue what I wanted. I just knew what I hated.
The big learning for me was that, unfortunately, I need to experience things to be sure about them. I learn specifically from my own experiences and my own scars, and I have to burn before I learn. So I forgave myself, and started the next quest: learning Python and transitioning to IT. That seemed interesting enough — I viewed it as a game, an escape room, a set of riddles, and that's where I thrive. I learned it in two months and landed my first IT job.
Again, everyone was thrilled — and again, shortly after, I was desperate. Once I became proficient enough to do tasks easily, I became so bored. Is this going to be the rest of my life? I couldn't imagine sitting and coding forever, hunting a missing semicolon, while there are so many big ideas and so much life in my head.
I didn't allow myself to despair too long, as I'd already learned — I need to try before I decide what I want. By being extremely ambitious, stubborn, and believing that I actually can get my dream job, I ended up working within the innovation space, which is the job I love and enjoy so much.
Never give up really isn't just a phrase. Work on it, and it will happen.